As I write this blog entry, I am sitting on the floor, in the dark, outside my bedroom door just in case Alex needs me. He is finally asleep after being up all night with painful mouth sores. It has been a difficult few weeks for Alex. We managed to get the nausea and vomiting under control but then the mouth sores (actually tongue sores) started. He didn't really have these during the initial induction phase but re-induction has been rough. The sores are all along the entire edge of his tongue. We are trying everything....rinsing with salt water, rinsing with prescribed mouthwashes, pain killers, shaved ice, popsicles, milkshakes, etc. The good thing is he has still been able to eat. The steroids make him constantly hungry. Hence, my days are filled with sourcing, preparing and serving whatever he craves. And the cravings change constantly. I think a lot of it, however, has to do with how his mouth is feeling. Once the mouth sores started, all of the chips and dips (including salsa, hummus, onion dip, etc) went out the window. Once the vomiting stopped, he wanted milk and yogurt and ice cream. This was well timed since dairy helps coat the mouth sores. Roasted potatoes gave way to mashed potatoes.

His fascination with food is interesting. We have been able to find (on the internet) episodes of Man vs. Food (travel network) and he has loved watching the food challenges. We also subscribed to the Asian Food Channel so that has been fun. He said food was his only source of joy right now so I find myself giving him whatever he wants, whenever he wants it. Boy, will he be in for a surprise when he's in the dorms and mom is not around!

Speaking of dorms, Alex is looking forward to college life. He gets to select housing next week and sign up for classes a few days after that. It's been great to have something to focus on. He has been "hating life". He struggles with why this had to happen to him. Tough life lessons for a 17 year old. We talk a little about trials and adversity and how it makes us stronger. We talk about doing hard things and enduring our trials well. We talk about our blessings in spite of his trials. We try to put it all in perspective. Sometimes he gets it and sometimes he wallows in his own self pity. That is okay. He is an amazingly strong young man. And he will be even stronger when all of this is done.

He is finished with the first part of Delayed Intensification. We are in the middle of a two week break and then he will start the second part. That will last for two weeks but will be tougher in that those particular chemo drugs will be given for 4 straight days with three days off and then 4 straight days. After that, he gets a little break and will start the maintenance phase of chemo which will last until Oct 2011. The maintenance phase is expected to be much milder and he can go about a normal routine. We are all looking forward to that.

The hardest part for me as a mother is to see him suffer so much. I wish I could make it all better with a kiss but I can't. So instead, I rub his legs and feet while he's on the couch all day. I rub his back when he can't sleep. I keep him company by watching cooking shows and the Simpsons. I run to the store every time he thinks of something he wants to eat. I'm treasuring every moment because I know the minute he is better he will be out the door and I won't have this one on one time again.